Please put your pitchforks away.

After the closure of Tri-Cities' (most recent) only strip club, I've heard murmurs around town that maybe it wouldn't hurt to have a gentleman's club. Now, I can't name names and if my wife is reading this, I will deny, deny, deny. All I'm saying is that one day Tri-Cities will be too big to keep the strip clubs away forever.

Eric Nopanen on Unsplash
Eric Nopanen on Unsplash
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So, with the price of gas being what it is... it might not hurt to be open to a side hustle. As a man of few talents myself, I have contemplated if there would be a market for me in "the industry." You know, mustached men wearing Hawaiian shirts that are hanging on for dear life around that belly there.

Photo by Danijela Prijovic on Unsplash
Photo by Danijela Prijovic on Unsplash
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In my effort to research my story today, I spent way too much time thinking over possible stripper names. I am now going to share them with you.

Yakimandy

I like this one because of how easily it rolls off the tongue. Yakima. Yakimandy. See what I mean?

Cascadia

There's a bond that's shared between parts of Oregon, Washington, Canada, and California. There's a good amount of land around the Cascade Mountains that share similar climates, ecosystems, and cultures. With endorsement from their state and province governments, they casually call themselves Cascadia. Maybe one day it will be its own state.

Goldie Delicious

Inspired by my favorite Washington apple, the Golden Delicious.

Sandy Sagebrush

Sagebrush sounds sexier than tumbleweed, if not by much.

Brandy Burbank

Every strip club needs at least one Brandy. Sorry to any Brandy that may be reading this.

Starr Bucks

In honor of the coffee giant that was founded in Seattle.

Spokanna

Like Yakimandy, this one naturally works with Spokane.

Amazonia 

Another mega-corporation founded in Seattle honored with naming rights of fictional strippers.

If you feel that you can come up with better stripper names than me, which is probably true, share your thoughts with me.

Astonishing Oddities Await You at Spokane's Petunia and Loomis

WARNING: You can't un-see these oddities.