Amazon founder Jeff Bezos is a lot like Dr. Evil and I can prove it.

We'll Start with the Hair

Or lack of it. Yes, Jeff Bezos is bald.

10th Annual LACMA ART+FILM GALA Presented By Gucci
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And so is Dr. Evil.

No shade here, you could land a drone fleet on my bald spot.

They Live in the Same City

Jeff Bezos is headquartered in Seattle.

Amazon Sued By Five Women Alleging Discrimination
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Dr. Evil also has headquarters in Seattle.

Robert Wagner at Dr. Evil's Starbucks HQ in a scene from Warner Bros. Pictures' Austin Powers: the Spy Who Shagged Me.
Robert Wagner at Dr. Evil's Starbucks HQ in a scene from Warner Bros. Pictures' Austin Powers: the Spy Who Shagged Me.
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Their Hired Guns Wear the Same Uniforms

Jeff Bezos makes deliveries with UPS.

Dr. Evil also knows "what brown can do" for him.

Scene from Warner Bros. Pictures' Austin Powers: the Spy Who Shagged Me.
Scene from Warner Bros. Pictures' Austin Powers: the Spy Who Shagged Me.
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They Both Rely on Robots

Jeff Bezos has robots do some of the heavy lifting in his warehouses.

Dr. Evil has Fembots to do his dirty work.

They Both Have a Thing for Mountains and Monuments

Jeff Bezos is building a giant clock in the side of a mountain, with a private lair inside the mountain.

Dr. Evil also has a mountain lair.

They're Both Astronauts

Jeff Bezos has been to space!

Dr. Evil has also been to space.

Scene from Warner Bros. Pictures' Austin Powers: the Spy Who Shagged Me.
Mike Myers as Dr. Evil in a scene from Warner Bros. Pictures' Austin Powers: the Spy Who Shagged Me.
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They Both Have a Familiar Looking Rocket

Jeff Bezos' spaceship looks like a giant phallus symbol.

Blue Origin Launch
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Dr. Evil's spaceship also looks like a... um... You get it.

Their Goal is World Domination

Jeff Bezos achieved that with Amazon.

Amazon Unveils Its First Smartphone
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Dr. Evil is... Still working on it.

Scene from Warner Bros. Pictures' Austin Powers: Goldmember.
Scene from Warner Bros. Pictures' Austin Powers: Goldmember.
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So there you have it. The many ways Jeff Bezos is like Dr. Evil. All that's missing is a hairless cat...

And sharks with frickin' laser beams attached to their foreheads.

None of which is to say that Jeff Bezos actually IS a supervillain like Dr. Evil, just that he has a LOT in common with a supervillain like Dr. Evil.

Easy, Dr. Evil, I've got a bag of "Shhhh," with your name on it.

Jeff Bezos And John Kerry Attend Opening Ceremony For New Washington Post HQ
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Maybe it is time to wrap this up. Who wants to watch Austin Powers 2 with me? It's been a minute.

 

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